Generosity on a Budget

We are living on one income, and we have 5 (soon to be six) mouths to feed in our household. Sometimes, I find myself making grandiose plans for themed dinner parties with outlandish decorations and gourmet dishes.  But, the reality is, plans like that just aren't in the budget on a regular basis.

And it isn't just money that I feel short on, it's time and energy, too.  This past week, I offered to make and deliver a meal for someone - but when I actually got around to heading into the kitchen, it was frantic trying to get everything done.  Dinner for my own family, dinner for hers, finishing homework with my first grader, bath time for all the kids.  Books, bedtime, dishes, laundry.  It all felt like it was piling up.

I know I am not the only one living my life on a budget.  My time, my energy, my family's money and resources all have to be carefully allotted.  The key is being intentional about my time and my family's time.  Carving out time to invite others' into our lives, to serve others AND also to rest, recharge, and just have open, free time to play and be is a challenge.  But, it's one worth pursuing.

Creating a Culture

"My students quickly see that the simplest tools that parents can wield to elicit cooperation from children are power tools. But there comes a point during the teen years when power tools no longer work. At that point parents start wishing that they had begun working with their children at a very young age to build a culture at home in which children instinctively behave respectfully toward one another, obey their parents, and choose the right thing to do. Families have cultures, just as companies do. Those cultures can be built consciously or evolve inadvertently.
If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won’t magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family’s culture—and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works." Clayton M. Christensen from How Will You Measure Your Life?

This article has me thinking, what would it look like to create a family culture? (Surely, we already have created a family culture, but is it as intentional as we'd like it to be?)  Who are we as a family and what does that mean for our daily life together?  How does our daily life, how do our discipline strategies, how do our family traditions, etc. reflect our values?  Beyond our family, what is our neighborhood culture?  What is our community culture?  What role do we have in shaping that culture?

As always, I'd love to know your thoughts...

Life on Mars and Life in Community

I was directed to this article by a friend of mine who is quoted in it.  She was very badly hurt by Mars Hill (the Seattle church under fire for quite a few local and national controversies) and has spoken out about it on many occasions.   For that reason, I read the article. 

As a Christian and a feminist, I can't help but feel like the article isn't the full story for either side of the divide.  I'm disappointed that yet again women's rights and health are pitted against the church as if the two viewpoints have to be on opposing ends of the spectrum. 

But regardless of my beliefs on that issue, that's not exactly what drew me to the article or why I'm posting about it here.

What I find particularly interesting is the idea the article presents that community holds a bigger draw for people in joining a group or cause than the actual cause itself.   The piece argues that feminism has failed women because American culture and American government have posited the idea that because women CAN have it all, they SHOULD have it all.  And yet, no support is offered to help women as they strive for this unrealistic ideal of perfection.This leads to pressure instead of freedom, isolation instead of belonging.  Mars Hill is appealing partially because it is a community.  A place where people can feel loved and belong.  Regardless of the price of that belonging, the need to feel connected and included is so strong that often we can align ourselves with beliefs or causes we don't even agree with just to be a part of something!

I believe in the power of community and in the power of belonging.  I want to take responsibility for building that kind of network of support in my neighborhood, my church, my children's school.  How about you?

A Simple Life

I've been loving this song lately.  It's not a new song, but it's been one that I've really loved listening to a lot these days.  I think the reason is because it ties in two things that I have been working on: creating a warmer home environment and connecting to our local community.

Simple Life 
by The Weepies

Can I get up in the moming
Put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say "hey" to the sun...
Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?
They'd hear just the tune
Not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

Move on, move on
Time is accelerating.
Drive on all night
Traffic lights and one-ways.
Move on, move on
Parking violations waiting
Turn off the car, breathe the air
Let's stay here.

I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time
To know our neighbors all by name
And every star at night.
We'll weave our days together like waves
And particles of light.

I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.

I love how she says, "we'll have time to know our neighbors all by name..."  Let's have time for that, shall we?


So what do you think?  What does a "simple life" mean to you?  Are simplicity and community connectedness related?  I think so, but I'm curious what you think?

Gratitude

"Abundance is not something we acquire, it's something we tune into." - Anonymous.
I've been thinking a lot about gratitude lately and the role it plays in a happy life.

I dreamed of marrying my soul mate.  When I hurt over my own broken home, I hoped for a real, lasting romance.   When I was in college and Lucas and I would steal off for an hour or two between classes or get to go out on a date on the weekends, I longed for a time when we'd be able to share one roof, one bed.  I couldn't wait to spend my life with him.  I always wanted four kids.When Norah was born, I wondered what it would be like when I could finally talk to her.  I wondered what her siblings would be like and who they would be.

For years, Lucas and I prayed and planned for our move to Seattle.  We wanted so badly to live in this calm, cozy community.   I felt like we waited forever for the right circumstances to align so that we could move here!

But now, here we are.  And this is it.

So many of the things I dreamed, prayed, and hoped for are here, right now in my life.  How many times in the day do I stop to be grateful for them?  When I DO stop to think about all that I have, I realize I have MORE than I could ever have hoped for.  And when I stop to think about the stuff I want, it's just that: stuff.

I am so, so grateful for my life.  This really is it.  And I am so happy it is.

Looking for something inspiring to read, I love this.  It's been a while now since it came out (in January to be exact) but I think it's a great reminder to have grace for ourselves while at the same time appreciating what we have.

Also, on the subject of the little things, which I've been writing a lot about lately, I love this commercial.  It ran during Mother's Day and now it has been running again during the Olympics.  I'm a sap, so it makes me cry.  But, I just love the little ways we have the opportunity to show love every day to our families.  Whether it goes noticed or unnoticed, it makes a difference.

Doing Dinner Prep Right

Last week, I talked about how I want to get up earlier each morning.  This led me to the conclusion that there are several things I need to start doing better.  One of which is getting dinner on the table earlier each evening.  My goal is to start getting up earlier starting the week before school starts for my daughters.  That way, I have time to really plan ahead, and think through how I can make this a lasting change to my routine.

With baby #4 on the way, I know that getting dinner on the table earlier will be an even greater challenge once he arrives.  And so, I started thinking, I better prep ahead.

In a few days, I'll be sharing tips for getting organized before school starts. I was a rookie last year, and elementary school completely side swiped me!  But, this year I've learned a few tricks that will get us on better track to start the year.  And, my goal of better meal planning falls in line with a calmer, easier beginning to the start of the school year as well.

A few ideas I have for starting this process:

• Freezer friendly meals.   I'm going to be experimenting with making meals ahead and then freezing them.  I love to cook and I hate pre-made meals, but meals where I control the content might be a faster food option.
• Crock pot meals.  I had the best, best crock pot.  And then I decided to put the ceramic insert on the stove.  While it was on.  It exploded.  No, I'm serious.  It exploded.  Soooo, I need to order a new insert (and I have needed to for 2 years now.)  I've searched the site of the manufacturer, found the part, and failed to pull the trigger several times. Why?  I'm going to order the part today and get started making more Crock Pot meals.  Maybe I'll share some here.  Don't worry, none of them will be of the 1980's southern casserole variety.
• Simplified Meals.  I'm planning to take a look at some recipes online and in my many recipe books.  I'm on the lookout for fewer ingredients and less prep time.  If you know of any great recipes that fit the bill, please let me know!

 I know none of this is rocket science, but I'll be letting you know of any discoveries I make along the way. 

What about you?  Any ideas for getting dinner on the table at a reasonable hour?

Also, if you need a place to start, I love this site, but I was so bummed to learn that it no longer has new posts.  But, you can still look at all the tips, recipes, etc. for freezer friendly meals.   There's some really great stuff.  Enjoy!

Lastly, this week will be our first week of getting up at 6am.  Lucas and I are both getting up together.  Although, I'll be leaving him with some quiet time in the house while I go for a morning walk.  I'll update you at the end of the week about how it's going!

Becoming an Early Bird

There's been something I've been wanting to do for a while now that I just have not done.  I know it would make family life more relaxing and it would make my day happier, but it's just so hard!

What is it?

Getting up earlier in the morning.  I read this piece this morning and it was really timely because this has been something I've been toying around with for the past year!!!

When I'm on track with exercising, I typically get up around 5:30am each day to work out.  It's funny how you don't feel you are missing out on any other activity because no one else is up.  And, it's such an invigorating way to start the day.  Still, the part that is difficult for me is going to bed on time.  Often times, though I probably actually AM tired, I don't feel tired in the evening.  After getting the girls to bed and cleaning up from the day, I often just want a few moments where I can sit and do nothing.  But, usually those few minutes turn into hour upon hour.  Lucas and I watch TV or chat.  And, I value that time we have together, and I like the ability to just lounge around...but it's time to re-evaluate if that's working for us.

It's amazing how just restructuring the day to have an extra hour is one way to make me feel like I still have that time in the evening while getting to bed at a reasonable hour.  For instance, by the end of the day I am dragging my feet to get dinner prepared.  Dinner is harder to get on the table without Lucas home, so I'll linger until he is home and then start. The problem? He gets home around 6:20, so dinner doesn't get on the table until 6:45-7:00.  When that happens, the girls bedtimes are pushed back and then I'm not cleaning up the dishes until later in the evening.

So, I've got a few ideas here.  I'd like to start dinner earlier, get the girls down and get the house cleaned earlier, and then get to bed earlier.  We'll put our chat and cuddle time above TV time, and if that means TV gets cut, of course, it's worth it!  Then, hopefully I'll be able to get out of bed earlier.

What I'm planning to use the time for:

• Exercise.  Right now I'm pregnant, but I would still like to take a walk around the lake each morning.
• Writing.  I would love to spend more time writing.  No limitations and no agenda; just time to write what's on my mind and see where it leads.
• Better breakfasts!  Lucas often rushes out the door and stuffs whatever is available into his face as he runs out.  Many times, he doesn't eat breakfast at all.  I know it would save him time if I made him a nice meal, and it's actually something I'd really like to do.  I'd get to see him off in the morning, and I'd get the satisfaction of keeping the person I love most in the world happier and healthier. 

As always, I'd love to know what you think.  What would you do with an extra hour in the day?  Are you an early riser or a night owl?  Are there ways you could rearrange your day to make them happier and healthier for your home?

First Love: Meal Times That Matter

The best thing happened last night!  I put on some music and my daughter Norah said, "ahhh...this reminds me of dinnertime...when the house looks golden from the candles and you play music and I can smell dinner cooking and dad is about to come home."

"Does that make you happy?" I asked.

"Yeah..." she said dreamily and sighed.

The little details that make her think of home are very intentional on my part, but for her they all just to come together to make her feel comfortable and at ease in our house.  I love that.  That's what building a comfortable environment is all about.

If you want a great book on family dinners, I highly recommend this one, The Family Dinner by Laurie David.   Though it has recipes in it, I find that the helpful hints and tips for making dinner a special time are what I enjoyed most about the book.

Some suggestions:

1) At dinnertime we go over cards called, "Chat Pack," which have little kids' discussion questions on them.   Lucas' parents gave us these cards one year as a family gift.   When he was a kid, his family sat around with a similar stack of questions at the dinner table.  It gets us all talking and it's a great way to open up the lines of communication with your kids each night.  Our girls really look forward to it.

2) We say the same prayer each night at dinner.  My mom grew up saying it as a kid, and I learned it from my grandparents.   Laurie addresses family prayer or a moment of silence as a great way to open up a family meal at the table.

3) When I was in grad school and Lucas was, too, we often weren't all around the dinner table together.  So, we set our alarms for a little bit earlier in the morning and I made a nice, hot breakfast each morning for our family.  We carried on our family meal but changed the time of day we gathered to fit our busy schedules at the time.

4) Laurie David suggests in her book the idea of making even snack times feel like rituals.  She suggests always having a bouquet of flowers with a snack tray out when the kids get home from school, or a lit candle and hot tea at your island in the kitchen to welcome kids home.  I LOVE that idea.  You'd be amazed at how much little things like that can really make a difference in a family's day.  I find, too, that it really cuts down on the mindless munching and makes meal times more intentional time together.

5) Dessert has become a dirty word in our culture, with childhood obesity on the rise in this country.  But, taking the time to have dessert as a family after dinner lengthens your time together as a family.  Dessert can be berries and cream or tea, fruit, cheese, and crackers.  It doesn't have to be a heavy, fatty variety to be enjoyed by all.

6) Need something to listen to?  I love this Fleet Foxes album.  I've been playing it non-stop since we moved here over a year ago and I STILL can't get enough.  In fact, I asked Lucas on a scale of one to ten how much it bothered him that I play the same music over and over.  He said, "zero."  He's a keeper ;)

And, as always, please DO let me know what your meal time traditions are.  Do you have any meal time goals for your family? I really can't emphasize enough how much meal times can really set the rhythm of the day for your family.