Make Your Neighborhood a Bully Free Zone

When my family moved to a new house and new neighborhood in the 5th grade,  I started attending a new school.  I quickly became the target of pretty severe bullying.  I was taunted in the classroom, whenever the teacher looked away.  I was forced to spend recess in the special education room for fear of violence on the playground, and I was followed home on many occasions by "mean girls" calling me every nasty name you could think of as I ran to my front door.

Bullying can have a real impact on a child or adult.  Knowing you don't fit in is hard enough, being taunted for it relentlessly day in and day out can be unbearable.  But you can make a difference!  You can choose not to tolerate bullying in your home and in your community.  Here are 5 ways to make your neighborhood a Bully Free Zone:

1) Make sure your home is a bully free zone, first and foremost.  How?  Work to end any violence in your own home: parents yelling at one another, parents yelling at kids, kids fighting or physically hurting one another.  All of those things are not acceptable and do not set an example of a peaceful, caring, cooperative environment.  Watch what you say in front of your children, if you use demeaning language toward your partner or your children- they will learn to use that language as well.  If you gossip about people you don't like (OR WORSE) kids in your neighborhood that you think are "brats" or "terrors" you are basically giving your children a license to view and treat people that way.

2) Acknowledge people.  It sounds simple, right?  This means turning off your cell phone when you go into the grocery store.  Talking to the cashier, the teller, the teacher at your child's school at pick up.  It means saying hello to your neighbors when you notice they are out for a walk or watering their lawns.  It also means seeing children as real people.  Kids, too, desire to be seen and heard.  If kids are playing on your street when you get home say hello!  Don't ignore their presence as you race for your front door.  I will never forget many years ago when I went to a forum where homeless people spoke about their experience on the streets.  The number one thing they said was difficult about being homeless: being ignored and passed over by people walking by them on the streets.  Not being hungry or without shelter- but feeling invisible.  Every single person on that panel said that first and foremost they just wanted someone to look them in the eyes and say, "hello."

3) Know the names of the people in your community.  People are more accountable when you know their name!  It makes people feel seen and heard in a way that nothing else does.  If a child in your community is being bullied and feels like no one sees or knows them, you never know, you could make a huge difference in their day just by remembering them by name.  And if a child is bullying other children, it helps for them to know that they are seen and heard, too.

4) Speak up when you see someone being bullied.  If someone speaks to me in a rude tone in front of my children (or not), I make a point to say "please don't speak to me that way."  Then, I try very hard to maintain a sunny demeanor while finishing out my conversation.  It's a simple way to say that you have boundaries and will not tolerate rude, unkind behavior.   Taking it a step further, be sure to step in if you see someone else being talked to in a rude, unkind way.  Of course, use your discretion when it comes to the safety of all involved, but I would say that if you are on the playground and you overhear a child being taunted or teased- step in to defend that child whether the child is yours or not.

5) Embrace diversity.  Make sure to teach your children that other children or families have different ways of doing things and have different values.  Make sure they know that children of different backgrounds are to be valued as equals, who deserve love and respect.   Don't allow pejorative terms in your home or outside of it.  Words like, "lame, fat, or gay" are not acceptable derogatory terms in my house- and they shouldn't be acceptable in your house either.  Recognize, too, that often bullies are people who themselves are hurting.  Of course, it is important to teach your children boundaries, but also, when appropriate reach other to children who may at first appear aggressive or angry.  You just might find that they are struggling themselves.

Bullying, at times, can feel like an overwhelming problem that is out of our control.  But each one us has a role to play in our community- and the more we work together to know and support one another, the better!

Back to School Basics

Last year I was a rookie at getting started for the school year.  Here, in Seattle, school hasn't started yet.  But, I know this may be coming late for those of you in other parts of the country.  If you don't have an elementary school child yet, save this post somewhere where you can review it once your child enters kindergarten.  There's more than you might think to remember.

So, a rookie's take on how to prepare for elementary school:

1) Follow your school's website or blog starting the summer BEFORE your child enters kindergarten.  At our school, the PTA organizes kindergarten play dates through out the summer for children and parents to get acquainted with the school and with one another.  If your school doesn't already do this- consider talking to your PTA about doing this!  It is a great way to make sure your child is more comfortable on the first day of school.

2) Buy school supplies AT LEAST a month ahead of time!  Local sales start about a month before school starts on everything from pencils to kids' clothing.  Online Back to School sales start in early to mid August.

3) Get into a routine EARLY with your kids.  I got this idea from one my favorite organizing sites, I Heart Organizing.  Start putting your kids to bed during their school year bedtime and wake them up to start the day when they will need to get up for school.  Plan activities that you have to get out of the door for so that your kids are prepared for getting ready for school.

4) Consider creating a homework nook.  We have created one in our house, and I'm still putting the finishing touches on it.  But, this is a great way to motivate your child to do their homework.  I personally believe that the purpose of homework is to teach a child to be self motivated and self disciplined.  So, at this point I have worked hard to be as minimally involved in homework as possible.  Ideally, that means creating a quiet, simple space to focus on school work and then being close by for questions or help when needed.

5) Clean and organize your child(ren)'s clothing.  I go through each child's drawers in my home, leave a few summer items (for those last few days of nice weather, and pack their new fall clothing underneath is.  I restock on underwear and socks and have everything ready to go to start the year off right.

6) Make your child(ren)'s room an inviting space.  This year, we spent much of the summer cleaning, organizing, and redecorating the girls' space.  The most useful new item in their room?  A nightstand between their two beds with books, a lamp, and an alarm clock on it.  The girls will learn to set the alarm themselves and then I'm not the bad guy anymore when I have to wake them for school in the morning!  I also strongly believe in self discipline and self motivation, so I want them to learn to get up and start getting ready on their own.  Don't worry, I'll be ready and waiting with a yummy family breakfast when they get downstairs.

7) Create a routine and stick to it.  This past year, I had a very scheduled routine during the school year.  This helped all of us to know what was coming next and made our home a more calm environment.  The best part about our routine?  I'd pack a snack each day to take to the school yard, and after picking up my daughter from school, we'd hang around for an hour or more playing before heading home to wind down and start dinner.

8) Mark your calendar.  This year, I synced our home calendar with the school calendar and with my husband's work calendar.  That way, we know everything we need to know in one place and because we did it through the Google Calendar feature through our emails, our calendars are now always synced to our phones as well.  This allows to be more aware of what each member of the family's commitments are well in advance.

9) Schedule doctor's and dentist's appointments at least one month in advance.  And, consider scheduling any follow up appointments for winter break.  That way, you don't have to worry about pulling your kids from school to take them to these appointments.

10) Schedule a 1:1 date with each of your children.  My husband and I like to schedule time one on one with each of our kids before school starts.  Summer, now that I stay home, has become a time where I can snuggle, play with, and schedule activities with my kids whenever I want.  Though the school year brings a lot of fun,  it's a time that I will miss.  (Once I get over celebrating having a few moments to myself to get things done around here!)  I also find that my girls miss the time, and that part of the emotions that come with the school are just their way of expressing that they are sad the time together has ended.

What about you?  What things do you do to get ready for the school year?  Anything I missed?