Friday, February 8, 2013

Choosy Moms...

Remember the slogan, "Choosy Moms Choose JIFF."  I have to say, we are good at being choosy in our culture, aren't we?

Recently, I've seen a number of these blog posts going around and though I think it can be helpful to offer advice on how to serve others (that's what a lot of this site is about!) something feels off about these posts to me.

Do we really want to be so choosy about how other people offer to be generous to us?  I've written before on this site about saying YES!  Saying yes to the mess in your house and inviting someone over anyway.  Saying yes when you are invited out with a friend even if it isn't the most convenient thing in the world.  Saying yes when others ask for or offer help.   This just doesn't feel like saying yes to me.

Here's the thing: you don't get to choose how people give to you.  You can't go around demanding that other people show you a certain kind of love just because you got married/had a baby/got a new job/moved to a new neighborhood/got sick- WHATEVER.  Accepting what other people have to offer means accepting what they have to offer not accepting what you think they SHOULD offer.

I find it so freeing to let go of expectations and assumptions.  Can I suggest it's fun to be surprised by the generosity of others?  And also, think about this for yourself- are you giving to others because you SHOULD.  That takes so much fun out of the process.  The best givers I know, give with an open and excited spirit not out of some burdening sense of obligation.   The best givers I know recognize there is no such thing as altruism and that it is rewarding to give.

So...what do you think?  Are you able to accept what other people have to offer or are you always expecting something more/less/different/bigger/smaller...whatever?  Do you have fun when you give or is a burden to you?

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts!

1 comment:

  1. So interesting, this idea of choosing how we want our friends to love us. I read the other blog post and although it was surely written to help visitors to these new families, it scares away those who feel they aren't perfect enough: "Don’t make something on your own unless it actually tastes good." wow. Totally agree with you on this again, Diana. We've all had the occasional 'interesting' gift or visitor coming at the 'wrong time' or with 'too many people', but that was the way people chose to love us. It was they who we remember today, not those who chose not to bother, because their ideas weren't perfect enough.