We are living on one income, and we have 5 (soon to be six) mouths to feed in our household. Sometimes, I find myself making grandiose plans for themed dinner parties with outlandish decorations and gourmet dishes. But, the reality is, plans like that just aren't in the budget on a regular basis.
And it isn't just money that I feel short on, it's time and energy, too. This past week, I offered to make and deliver a meal for someone - but when I actually got around to heading into the kitchen, it was frantic trying to get everything done. Dinner for my own family, dinner for hers, finishing homework with my first grader, bath time for all the kids. Books, bedtime, dishes, laundry. It all felt like it was piling up.
I know I am not the only one living my life on a budget. My time, my energy, my family's money and resources all have to be carefully allotted. The key is being intentional about my time and my family's time. Carving out time to invite others' into our lives, to serve others AND also to rest, recharge, and just have open, free time to play and be is a challenge. But, it's one worth pursuing.
Showing posts with label Neighborhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Neighborhood. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Positive Peer Pressure
A few weeks ago, one of the little boys in our neighborhood decided he was going to learn to ride his bike without training wheels. All hours of the day, he could be seen from our front window riding his bike. His mom or dad holding onto his bike seat as he wobbled back and forth, determined to learn.
Once he had mastered the skill, he bragged to my girls that he could do it. And, next thing you know, my middle daughter, Avery, who is 4, had decided that she too, would learn to ride her bike without training wheels. And she did.
Today, in total, I saw six kids out and about riding their bikes. The two littlest are not quite ready to shed their training wheels, but 3 of the other kids were inspired to learn to ride without theirs from one little neighborhood boy.
I am inspired thinking about it, because positive peer pressure can be quite a force for good. Just the sight of all those kids outside, suited up in helmets and pedaling down the sidewalk makes me wonder what other things we could inspire and encourage one another to do, here in our humble little neighborhood.
Once he had mastered the skill, he bragged to my girls that he could do it. And, next thing you know, my middle daughter, Avery, who is 4, had decided that she too, would learn to ride her bike without training wheels. And she did.
Today, in total, I saw six kids out and about riding their bikes. The two littlest are not quite ready to shed their training wheels, but 3 of the other kids were inspired to learn to ride without theirs from one little neighborhood boy.
I am inspired thinking about it, because positive peer pressure can be quite a force for good. Just the sight of all those kids outside, suited up in helmets and pedaling down the sidewalk makes me wonder what other things we could inspire and encourage one another to do, here in our humble little neighborhood.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Do the Unexpected
Have you ever just unexpectedly dropped by to say hello to an old friend? Have you ever left a little note on someone's front door, or a small gift or treat in their mailbox? Have you ever been traveling to someplace where you know that someone you have not been in good contact lives and just decided, on a whim, to call them to have coffee while you were in town?
ALL of those things happened to me on the same day last week. A friend left me goodies in our mailbox. ANOTHER dear old friend who I had lost touch with happened to be in town, called me up, and we set up a lovely last minute picnic at the park to catch up. And, that evening, YET ANOTHER friend whom we had been meaning to get together with just showed up on our doorstep to give us quick hugs and a quick hello as he passed by our street.
I was having a hard day that day- our house was a wreck, our kids were bouncing off the walls, and I was exhausted. I would have never reached out to anyone because I didn't have things all together. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to see our home, I wouldn't have wanted to gather my kids for a picnic at the park. But each of these little surprises made my day just a little bit brighter and brought me out my funk!
Do you ever have little hunches that you should do something nice for someone only to never follow up? I do all the time! I'm feeling really inspired, though, to follow through on those little inklings- because that's what it means to live in community. Reach out to others, step outside of your comfort zone, and you never know when you will be making someone's day.
ALL of those things happened to me on the same day last week. A friend left me goodies in our mailbox. ANOTHER dear old friend who I had lost touch with happened to be in town, called me up, and we set up a lovely last minute picnic at the park to catch up. And, that evening, YET ANOTHER friend whom we had been meaning to get together with just showed up on our doorstep to give us quick hugs and a quick hello as he passed by our street.
I was having a hard day that day- our house was a wreck, our kids were bouncing off the walls, and I was exhausted. I would have never reached out to anyone because I didn't have things all together. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to see our home, I wouldn't have wanted to gather my kids for a picnic at the park. But each of these little surprises made my day just a little bit brighter and brought me out my funk!
Do you ever have little hunches that you should do something nice for someone only to never follow up? I do all the time! I'm feeling really inspired, though, to follow through on those little inklings- because that's what it means to live in community. Reach out to others, step outside of your comfort zone, and you never know when you will be making someone's day.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Make Your Neighborhood a Bully Free Zone
When my family moved to a new house and new neighborhood in the 5th grade, I started attending a new school. I quickly became the target of pretty severe bullying. I was taunted in the classroom, whenever the teacher looked away. I was forced to spend recess in the special education room for fear of violence on the playground, and I was followed home on many occasions by "mean girls" calling me every nasty name you could think of as I ran to my front door.
Bullying can have a real impact on a child or adult. Knowing you don't fit in is hard enough, being taunted for it relentlessly day in and day out can be unbearable. But you can make a difference! You can choose not to tolerate bullying in your home and in your community. Here are 5 ways to make your neighborhood a Bully Free Zone:
1) Make sure your home is a bully free zone, first and foremost. How? Work to end any violence in your own home: parents yelling at one another, parents yelling at kids, kids fighting or physically hurting one another. All of those things are not acceptable and do not set an example of a peaceful, caring, cooperative environment. Watch what you say in front of your children, if you use demeaning language toward your partner or your children- they will learn to use that language as well. If you gossip about people you don't like (OR WORSE) kids in your neighborhood that you think are "brats" or "terrors" you are basically giving your children a license to view and treat people that way.
2) Acknowledge people. It sounds simple, right? This means turning off your cell phone when you go into the grocery store. Talking to the cashier, the teller, the teacher at your child's school at pick up. It means saying hello to your neighbors when you notice they are out for a walk or watering their lawns. It also means seeing children as real people. Kids, too, desire to be seen and heard. If kids are playing on your street when you get home say hello! Don't ignore their presence as you race for your front door. I will never forget many years ago when I went to a forum where homeless people spoke about their experience on the streets. The number one thing they said was difficult about being homeless: being ignored and passed over by people walking by them on the streets. Not being hungry or without shelter- but feeling invisible. Every single person on that panel said that first and foremost they just wanted someone to look them in the eyes and say, "hello."
3) Know the names of the people in your community. People are more accountable when you know their name! It makes people feel seen and heard in a way that nothing else does. If a child in your community is being bullied and feels like no one sees or knows them, you never know, you could make a huge difference in their day just by remembering them by name. And if a child is bullying other children, it helps for them to know that they are seen and heard, too.
4) Speak up when you see someone being bullied. If someone speaks to me in a rude tone in front of my children (or not), I make a point to say "please don't speak to me that way." Then, I try very hard to maintain a sunny demeanor while finishing out my conversation. It's a simple way to say that you have boundaries and will not tolerate rude, unkind behavior. Taking it a step further, be sure to step in if you see someone else being talked to in a rude, unkind way. Of course, use your discretion when it comes to the safety of all involved, but I would say that if you are on the playground and you overhear a child being taunted or teased- step in to defend that child whether the child is yours or not.
5) Embrace diversity. Make sure to teach your children that other children or families have different ways of doing things and have different values. Make sure they know that children of different backgrounds are to be valued as equals, who deserve love and respect. Don't allow pejorative terms in your home or outside of it. Words like, "lame, fat, or gay" are not acceptable derogatory terms in my house- and they shouldn't be acceptable in your house either. Recognize, too, that often bullies are people who themselves are hurting. Of course, it is important to teach your children boundaries, but also, when appropriate reach other to children who may at first appear aggressive or angry. You just might find that they are struggling themselves.
Bullying, at times, can feel like an overwhelming problem that is out of our control. But each one us has a role to play in our community- and the more we work together to know and support one another, the better!
Bullying can have a real impact on a child or adult. Knowing you don't fit in is hard enough, being taunted for it relentlessly day in and day out can be unbearable. But you can make a difference! You can choose not to tolerate bullying in your home and in your community. Here are 5 ways to make your neighborhood a Bully Free Zone:
1) Make sure your home is a bully free zone, first and foremost. How? Work to end any violence in your own home: parents yelling at one another, parents yelling at kids, kids fighting or physically hurting one another. All of those things are not acceptable and do not set an example of a peaceful, caring, cooperative environment. Watch what you say in front of your children, if you use demeaning language toward your partner or your children- they will learn to use that language as well. If you gossip about people you don't like (OR WORSE) kids in your neighborhood that you think are "brats" or "terrors" you are basically giving your children a license to view and treat people that way.
2) Acknowledge people. It sounds simple, right? This means turning off your cell phone when you go into the grocery store. Talking to the cashier, the teller, the teacher at your child's school at pick up. It means saying hello to your neighbors when you notice they are out for a walk or watering their lawns. It also means seeing children as real people. Kids, too, desire to be seen and heard. If kids are playing on your street when you get home say hello! Don't ignore their presence as you race for your front door. I will never forget many years ago when I went to a forum where homeless people spoke about their experience on the streets. The number one thing they said was difficult about being homeless: being ignored and passed over by people walking by them on the streets. Not being hungry or without shelter- but feeling invisible. Every single person on that panel said that first and foremost they just wanted someone to look them in the eyes and say, "hello."
3) Know the names of the people in your community. People are more accountable when you know their name! It makes people feel seen and heard in a way that nothing else does. If a child in your community is being bullied and feels like no one sees or knows them, you never know, you could make a huge difference in their day just by remembering them by name. And if a child is bullying other children, it helps for them to know that they are seen and heard, too.
4) Speak up when you see someone being bullied. If someone speaks to me in a rude tone in front of my children (or not), I make a point to say "please don't speak to me that way." Then, I try very hard to maintain a sunny demeanor while finishing out my conversation. It's a simple way to say that you have boundaries and will not tolerate rude, unkind behavior. Taking it a step further, be sure to step in if you see someone else being talked to in a rude, unkind way. Of course, use your discretion when it comes to the safety of all involved, but I would say that if you are on the playground and you overhear a child being taunted or teased- step in to defend that child whether the child is yours or not.
5) Embrace diversity. Make sure to teach your children that other children or families have different ways of doing things and have different values. Make sure they know that children of different backgrounds are to be valued as equals, who deserve love and respect. Don't allow pejorative terms in your home or outside of it. Words like, "lame, fat, or gay" are not acceptable derogatory terms in my house- and they shouldn't be acceptable in your house either. Recognize, too, that often bullies are people who themselves are hurting. Of course, it is important to teach your children boundaries, but also, when appropriate reach other to children who may at first appear aggressive or angry. You just might find that they are struggling themselves.
Bullying, at times, can feel like an overwhelming problem that is out of our control. But each one us has a role to play in our community- and the more we work together to know and support one another, the better!
Thursday, September 20, 2012
5 Ways to Get Involved in Your Community for Moms
If you're a mom, and you're looking for ways to get involved in your community, here are some great ideas:
1) I just heard of this organization, Make Ahead Mamas, which is a group of moms who get together to plan and cook healthy meals head of time for their families! I think it's such a great idea, I just might try it myself.
2) Have you heard of Stroller Strides? It's a national organization that provides work outs to moms. You can bring your child along for the work out, and each one is tailored toward including a stroller as part of your physical fitness training. It's brilliant, really.
3) Are you a part of any parenting groups? I am a Christian, so I attend two faith based organizations. One is MOPS International which is a small group for mothers of preschoolers (with childcare provided.) The other is called Selah, which is a small group designed for women with elementary aged students. I love them both, but I find Selah particularly engaging and challenging as a mom of a young elementary child. If you're interested in starting a group for moms of elementary aged students in your area, I would LOVE to talk with you about Selah. So, just message me and I can give your more info! Also, there are many other local parenting organizations that are not religiously affiliated, if that's a better fit for you. One group that is popular nationally is called PEPS, and they provide small group gatherings for young families.
4) Are you a member of a co-op. In Seattle, co-ops are all the rage. They just aren't for me, but if you are interested in forming a co-op, they are a great way to build community. There are co-op grocery stores and co-op preschools, which basically just means you participate (or as the name suggest cooperate) in the operations of the organizations. For preschool, for instance, you volunteer at least once a week to off-set the costs of preschool for your child and get to know the other children/parents in your community in the process.
5) Have you considered joining a book club? I am a member of a women's book club, and most of the books chosen have dealt with topics of womanhood, parenthood, etc. It's a great way to meet other people. You may be more enthused about morning hikes or a cook book club. There are several "stitch n' bitch" clubs in Seattle, where women come together to knit. The point is, join with friends who have common interests and you'll get to know each other better.
1) I just heard of this organization, Make Ahead Mamas, which is a group of moms who get together to plan and cook healthy meals head of time for their families! I think it's such a great idea, I just might try it myself.
2) Have you heard of Stroller Strides? It's a national organization that provides work outs to moms. You can bring your child along for the work out, and each one is tailored toward including a stroller as part of your physical fitness training. It's brilliant, really.
3) Are you a part of any parenting groups? I am a Christian, so I attend two faith based organizations. One is MOPS International which is a small group for mothers of preschoolers (with childcare provided.) The other is called Selah, which is a small group designed for women with elementary aged students. I love them both, but I find Selah particularly engaging and challenging as a mom of a young elementary child. If you're interested in starting a group for moms of elementary aged students in your area, I would LOVE to talk with you about Selah. So, just message me and I can give your more info! Also, there are many other local parenting organizations that are not religiously affiliated, if that's a better fit for you. One group that is popular nationally is called PEPS, and they provide small group gatherings for young families.
4) Are you a member of a co-op. In Seattle, co-ops are all the rage. They just aren't for me, but if you are interested in forming a co-op, they are a great way to build community. There are co-op grocery stores and co-op preschools, which basically just means you participate (or as the name suggest cooperate) in the operations of the organizations. For preschool, for instance, you volunteer at least once a week to off-set the costs of preschool for your child and get to know the other children/parents in your community in the process.
5) Have you considered joining a book club? I am a member of a women's book club, and most of the books chosen have dealt with topics of womanhood, parenthood, etc. It's a great way to meet other people. You may be more enthused about morning hikes or a cook book club. There are several "stitch n' bitch" clubs in Seattle, where women come together to knit. The point is, join with friends who have common interests and you'll get to know each other better.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Say Yes
I love my husband for so many reasons, but one of the things I find particularly charming about him is a rule he has about the neighborhood kids. Whenever, wherever he is approached by a child to buy something to support ANY local organization that they are a part of - he says yes. That means every time he goes to the grocery store and a little Girl Scout is selling her cookies, every time a Boy Scout knocks on our door selling popcorn, every time a teen who comes by selling magazines for a sports' fundraiser- he says yes.
Saying "yes" is something that I have learned from Lucas. While I know some people struggle with saying "yes" too often, I am actually the opposite. My default answer is, "no." But, Lucas has taught me that sometimes we won't be invited to the table again when we don't say yes when we have the chance. Opening your door and saying "yes" when these opportunities arise is just another way to know (and show your support for) the people in your community.
In what ways have you closed the door to others? How could you say yes to the people in your community?
Saying "yes" is something that I have learned from Lucas. While I know some people struggle with saying "yes" too often, I am actually the opposite. My default answer is, "no." But, Lucas has taught me that sometimes we won't be invited to the table again when we don't say yes when we have the chance. Opening your door and saying "yes" when these opportunities arise is just another way to know (and show your support for) the people in your community.
In what ways have you closed the door to others? How could you say yes to the people in your community?
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Woman in the Elevator
When I was a little girl, my mom often told me the story of a neighbor who she didn't connect with until it was almost too late- and the life lesson it taught her.
In the first apartment we moved to in California, my mom was raising two very small children, she knew no one, and she was desperate to make friends. Often, she would enter the elevator and find that she was not alone. The woman down the hall from her would also be in the elevator with her young son, and at first, this made my mom really excited.
The first few times they were in the elevator together my mom smiled and tried to make small talk about the kids- but it soon became clear that this woman was not in the mood to talk. She was cold, aloof, and well- from my mom's perspective- RUDE.
My mom's imagination started to run wild with explanations as to why this woman would be so rude to her. Was this woman racist? Was she judging my mom's parenting style? Did she simply not like my mom for some reason? Finally, after it had been eating away at her for weeks, the next time she saw the woman in the elevator she decided she would ask her what her problem was.
She didn't get the chance...that day, the woman broke down in the elevator. She had stage four cancer, and she had no one to care for her young son at her funeral- which was eminent. Wow.
My mom realized this woman's quiet, focused resolve had nothing to do with her. So, she offered to watch the woman's son during her funeral, and sure enough a few months later, she had the opportunity to do just that when the woman lost her life to cancer.
I was reminded of this story a few days ago when I read this post from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project blog. A quote by Flannery O’Connor, from a letter she wrote in 1959, really stuck out to me: “From 15 to 18 is an age at which one is very sensitive to the sins of others, as I know from recollections of myself. At that age you don’t look for what is hidden. It is a sign of maturity not to be scandalized and to try to find explanations in charity.”
Do you try to find explanations in charity? When reaching out in ways that may be uncomfortable, like meeting new neighbors or new friends it can be much easier to close ourselves off to other people, assuming that if they are not polite or cordial enough we have been intentionally dissed. But, I have found that often times, reaching out to others can require continuous work. Once you get to know someone, it almost always becomes clear that their intent is often very different than our first interpretations.
In the first apartment we moved to in California, my mom was raising two very small children, she knew no one, and she was desperate to make friends. Often, she would enter the elevator and find that she was not alone. The woman down the hall from her would also be in the elevator with her young son, and at first, this made my mom really excited.
The first few times they were in the elevator together my mom smiled and tried to make small talk about the kids- but it soon became clear that this woman was not in the mood to talk. She was cold, aloof, and well- from my mom's perspective- RUDE.
My mom's imagination started to run wild with explanations as to why this woman would be so rude to her. Was this woman racist? Was she judging my mom's parenting style? Did she simply not like my mom for some reason? Finally, after it had been eating away at her for weeks, the next time she saw the woman in the elevator she decided she would ask her what her problem was.
She didn't get the chance...that day, the woman broke down in the elevator. She had stage four cancer, and she had no one to care for her young son at her funeral- which was eminent. Wow.
My mom realized this woman's quiet, focused resolve had nothing to do with her. So, she offered to watch the woman's son during her funeral, and sure enough a few months later, she had the opportunity to do just that when the woman lost her life to cancer.
I was reminded of this story a few days ago when I read this post from Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project blog. A quote by Flannery O’Connor, from a letter she wrote in 1959, really stuck out to me: “From 15 to 18 is an age at which one is very sensitive to the sins of others, as I know from recollections of myself. At that age you don’t look for what is hidden. It is a sign of maturity not to be scandalized and to try to find explanations in charity.”
Do you try to find explanations in charity? When reaching out in ways that may be uncomfortable, like meeting new neighbors or new friends it can be much easier to close ourselves off to other people, assuming that if they are not polite or cordial enough we have been intentionally dissed. But, I have found that often times, reaching out to others can require continuous work. Once you get to know someone, it almost always becomes clear that their intent is often very different than our first interpretations.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Creating a Culture
"My students quickly see that the simplest tools that parents can
wield to elicit cooperation from children are power tools. But
there comes a point during the teen years when power tools no longer
work. At that point parents start wishing that they had begun
working with their children at a very young age to build a culture
at home in which children instinctively behave respectfully toward
one another, obey their parents, and choose the right thing to do.
Families have cultures, just as companies do. Those cultures can be
built consciously or evolve inadvertently.
If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won’t magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family’s culture—and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works." Clayton M. Christensen from How Will You Measure Your Life?
This article has me thinking, what would it look like to create a family culture? (Surely, we already have created a family culture, but is it as intentional as we'd like it to be?) Who are we as a family and what does that mean for our daily life together? How does our daily life, how do our discipline strategies, how do our family traditions, etc. reflect our values? Beyond our family, what is our neighborhood culture? What is our community culture? What role do we have in shaping that culture?
As always, I'd love to know your thoughts...
If you want your kids to have strong self-esteem and confidence that they can solve hard problems, those qualities won’t magically materialize in high school. You have to design them into your family’s culture—and you have to think about this very early on. Like employees, children build self-esteem by doing things that are hard and learning what works." Clayton M. Christensen from How Will You Measure Your Life?
This article has me thinking, what would it look like to create a family culture? (Surely, we already have created a family culture, but is it as intentional as we'd like it to be?) Who are we as a family and what does that mean for our daily life together? How does our daily life, how do our discipline strategies, how do our family traditions, etc. reflect our values? Beyond our family, what is our neighborhood culture? What is our community culture? What role do we have in shaping that culture?
As always, I'd love to know your thoughts...
Thursday, September 6, 2012
FIve Reasons to Make Your Home a Safe Haven for Kids
1) Kids have fewer and fewer safe places to spend their time. Why not open your home as a place they can safely play, explore, learn, grow, and be nurtured in a loving environment.
2) Your neighborhood will be a friendlier, warmer place to be- because often your neighbors will follow suit and open their homes and yards to one another.
3) Your own children will want to be in your home more, knowing that all are welcome and that they can have friends and family over at anytime.
4) Your home will be more fun! I love the sounds of kids at play in our house. When they one day leave the house, I know the quiet I now so often crave will seem deafeningly silent.
5) You never know when a child in your neighborhood is hurting. You could make a life changing difference in someone's life just by having a few available snacks and toys, a laid back attitude about making a mess, and an open door policy. Here's one inspiring story about a neighbor who rescued two young girls from the sexual abuse they endured at the hands of their brothers and father. Whenever I think about this story, I get chills. You can make a difference in your neighborhood!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Table Time with Friends
One of my favorite ways to spend time with others is to gather around a meal. I don't know what it is about mealtimes, but it's such a great way to connect.
We've had our neighbors over for Make Your Own Pizza Night, which is our family's Saturday tradition. We had each family bring over their favorite toppings, and it was so fun to see what each person chose to put on their pizza. The kids had a blast!
I first learned about the power of sharing a meal to connect people when I was a Resident Assistant in college. A fellow RA and I planned to pair two apartments together and have them over for dinner for several weeks running until we had shared a meal with our entire complex. We intentionally paired apartments together who didn't know one another well. This small gesture of sitting around a table together made our little college community thrive!
So, what about you? Any dinner parties planned? Does the idea of having others over for a meal stress you out? What about a simple potluck?
We've had our neighbors over for Make Your Own Pizza Night, which is our family's Saturday tradition. We had each family bring over their favorite toppings, and it was so fun to see what each person chose to put on their pizza. The kids had a blast!
I first learned about the power of sharing a meal to connect people when I was a Resident Assistant in college. A fellow RA and I planned to pair two apartments together and have them over for dinner for several weeks running until we had shared a meal with our entire complex. We intentionally paired apartments together who didn't know one another well. This small gesture of sitting around a table together made our little college community thrive!
So, what about you? Any dinner parties planned? Does the idea of having others over for a meal stress you out? What about a simple potluck?
Friday, August 31, 2012
Life on Mars and Life in Community
I was directed to this article by a friend of mine who is quoted in it. She was very badly hurt by Mars Hill (the Seattle church under fire for quite a few local and national controversies) and has spoken out about it on many occasions. For that reason, I read the article.
As a Christian and a feminist, I can't help but feel like the article isn't the full story for either side of the divide. I'm disappointed that yet again women's rights and health are pitted against the church as if the two viewpoints have to be on opposing ends of the spectrum.
But regardless of my beliefs on that issue, that's not exactly what drew me to the article or why I'm posting about it here.
What I find particularly interesting is the idea the article presents that community holds a bigger draw for people in joining a group or cause than the actual cause itself. The piece argues that feminism has failed women because American culture and American government have posited the idea that because women CAN have it all, they SHOULD have it all. And yet, no support is offered to help women as they strive for this unrealistic ideal of perfection.This leads to pressure instead of freedom, isolation instead of belonging. Mars Hill is appealing partially because it is a community. A place where people can feel loved and belong. Regardless of the price of that belonging, the need to feel connected and included is so strong that often we can align ourselves with beliefs or causes we don't even agree with just to be a part of something!
I believe in the power of community and in the power of belonging. I want to take responsibility for building that kind of network of support in my neighborhood, my church, my children's school. How about you?
As a Christian and a feminist, I can't help but feel like the article isn't the full story for either side of the divide. I'm disappointed that yet again women's rights and health are pitted against the church as if the two viewpoints have to be on opposing ends of the spectrum.
But regardless of my beliefs on that issue, that's not exactly what drew me to the article or why I'm posting about it here.
What I find particularly interesting is the idea the article presents that community holds a bigger draw for people in joining a group or cause than the actual cause itself. The piece argues that feminism has failed women because American culture and American government have posited the idea that because women CAN have it all, they SHOULD have it all. And yet, no support is offered to help women as they strive for this unrealistic ideal of perfection.This leads to pressure instead of freedom, isolation instead of belonging. Mars Hill is appealing partially because it is a community. A place where people can feel loved and belong. Regardless of the price of that belonging, the need to feel connected and included is so strong that often we can align ourselves with beliefs or causes we don't even agree with just to be a part of something!
I believe in the power of community and in the power of belonging. I want to take responsibility for building that kind of network of support in my neighborhood, my church, my children's school. How about you?
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
A Simple Life
I've been loving this song lately. It's not a new song, but it's been one that I've really loved listening to a lot these days. I think the reason is because it ties in two things that I have been working on: creating a warmer home environment and connecting to our local community.
Simple Life
by The Weepies
Can I get up in the moming
Put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say "hey" to the sun...
Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?
They'd hear just the tune
Not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
Move on, move on
Time is accelerating.
Drive on all night
Traffic lights and one-ways.
Move on, move on
Parking violations waiting
Turn off the car, breathe the air
Let's stay here.
I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time
To know our neighbors all by name
And every star at night.
We'll weave our days together like waves
And particles of light.
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
I love how she says, "we'll have time to know our neighbors all by name..." Let's have time for that, shall we?
So what do you think? What does a "simple life" mean to you? Are simplicity and community connectedness related? I think so, but I'm curious what you think?
Simple Life
by The Weepies
Can I get up in the moming
Put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say "hey" to the sun...
Is it enough to write a song and sing it to the birds?
They'd hear just the tune
Not understand my love for words
But you would hear me and know
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
I dreamed you first
But not so real
And everyday since I've found you
Such moments we steal
Like little thieves, we rub our hands
We hold our hearts between them.
But will you hear me and know?
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
Move on, move on
Time is accelerating.
Drive on all night
Traffic lights and one-ways.
Move on, move on
Parking violations waiting
Turn off the car, breathe the air
Let's stay here.
I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time
To know our neighbors all by name
And every star at night.
We'll weave our days together like waves
And particles of light.
I want only this, I want to live
I want to live a simple life.
I love how she says, "we'll have time to know our neighbors all by name..." Let's have time for that, shall we?
So what do you think? What does a "simple life" mean to you? Are simplicity and community connectedness related? I think so, but I'm curious what you think?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Neighborhood Strolls
One of our favorite things to do as a family is to go for what we now call "strolls" through our neighborhood.
Walks are something that has always been a part of Lucas and I's relationship. When were dating in college we would go for several hour walks through the hills near our campus. As recent grads, we would walk through his neighborhood, lined with neatly uniform California stucco houses. As a young family, we walk through the canyons near our residence hall home.
And now, we walk through our charming Seattle neighborhood, stopping to admire all the old craftsman homes along our paths. I love these walks not just because of the fresh air and the good exercise, but also because it brings a sense of belonging to our community.
As we walk, we often to see the same people out and about. There is a young couple and their daughter who often walk to the park near our house. An elderly couple would hold hands as they chat and stroll. A man and his two, little yappy dogs. A recent college grad and the huge, running beast of a dog she runs to keep up with. We stop and talk with all of these people along the way on our walks- and we have come to know them as our neighbors and our friends.
So, what about you? Do you walk or bike to places close enough for you to walk? Are there familiar faces in your daily routine that you could stop and get to know?
Walks are something that has always been a part of Lucas and I's relationship. When were dating in college we would go for several hour walks through the hills near our campus. As recent grads, we would walk through his neighborhood, lined with neatly uniform California stucco houses. As a young family, we walk through the canyons near our residence hall home.
And now, we walk through our charming Seattle neighborhood, stopping to admire all the old craftsman homes along our paths. I love these walks not just because of the fresh air and the good exercise, but also because it brings a sense of belonging to our community.
As we walk, we often to see the same people out and about. There is a young couple and their daughter who often walk to the park near our house. An elderly couple would hold hands as they chat and stroll. A man and his two, little yappy dogs. A recent college grad and the huge, running beast of a dog she runs to keep up with. We stop and talk with all of these people along the way on our walks- and we have come to know them as our neighbors and our friends.
So, what about you? Do you walk or bike to places close enough for you to walk? Are there familiar faces in your daily routine that you could stop and get to know?
Monday, August 27, 2012
Monday Morning Madness
Are you feeling crazy and counter cultural today?
Why don't you join my challenge for the week? It's easy to do and fun, too, I promise.
Ok, so here it is, this week's challenge is called: Roll Call. The task?
1) Introduce yourself to the person living in the house/apartment etc. next door to you on both sides and across the street. If you live in an apartment complex, go ahead and introduce yourself to the people who live above and below you, too!
2) Introduce yourself to your local grocer(s), mail carrier, and your child's Sunday school teacher (if they have one!)
And that's it! If you are feeling REALLY shy about this and it's way outside of your comfort zone, don't worry, I'm here for you. Here's a script of what you could say:
If you're new to an area, it's the ideal time to do this activity. You can start each conversation like this, "Hi. I'm relatively new to the area and I still feel like I don't know anyone. What's your name?" If your neighbor, go ahead and ask, "can we exchange numbers and email addresses in case of an emergency? Please know you can borrow an egg/cup of milk/onion, etc. anytime!" It's also nice to follow up with a question like, "how long have you lived here? Are you from here originally? Do you like living here? etc." At the very least you will have made initial contact. And, at most, you'll strike up an interesting conversation. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship!
If you've been in the area a long time, but don't know your neighbors, you could start your conversation like this, "Hi. You know, we've been living here quite sometime and I still don't know/can't remember your name..." The rest of the conversation can be the same. You'd be surprised how often people are excited to make contact with you. And, if they're not, remember this simple truth, "you'd stop caring so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how little they did." In other words, even if you make a complete fool of yourself or even if the person you reach out to acts aloof or uninterested, it's OK. The probably aren't spending a whole lot of their time over-analyzing what you've just said or done. So, be easy on yourself and make a conscious effort to REMEMBER the names and any interesting information that was shared with you.
As always, let me know how it goes. If you are going to do the challenge, please, let me know! I want to hear about it!!!!
Happy Monday Morning Madness.
Why don't you join my challenge for the week? It's easy to do and fun, too, I promise.
Ok, so here it is, this week's challenge is called: Roll Call. The task?
1) Introduce yourself to the person living in the house/apartment etc. next door to you on both sides and across the street. If you live in an apartment complex, go ahead and introduce yourself to the people who live above and below you, too!
2) Introduce yourself to your local grocer(s), mail carrier, and your child's Sunday school teacher (if they have one!)
And that's it! If you are feeling REALLY shy about this and it's way outside of your comfort zone, don't worry, I'm here for you. Here's a script of what you could say:
If you're new to an area, it's the ideal time to do this activity. You can start each conversation like this, "Hi. I'm relatively new to the area and I still feel like I don't know anyone. What's your name?" If your neighbor, go ahead and ask, "can we exchange numbers and email addresses in case of an emergency? Please know you can borrow an egg/cup of milk/onion, etc. anytime!" It's also nice to follow up with a question like, "how long have you lived here? Are you from here originally? Do you like living here? etc." At the very least you will have made initial contact. And, at most, you'll strike up an interesting conversation. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship!
If you've been in the area a long time, but don't know your neighbors, you could start your conversation like this, "Hi. You know, we've been living here quite sometime and I still don't know/can't remember your name..." The rest of the conversation can be the same. You'd be surprised how often people are excited to make contact with you. And, if they're not, remember this simple truth, "you'd stop caring so much about what other people thought of you if you knew how little they did." In other words, even if you make a complete fool of yourself or even if the person you reach out to acts aloof or uninterested, it's OK. The probably aren't spending a whole lot of their time over-analyzing what you've just said or done. So, be easy on yourself and make a conscious effort to REMEMBER the names and any interesting information that was shared with you.
As always, let me know how it goes. If you are going to do the challenge, please, let me know! I want to hear about it!!!!
Happy Monday Morning Madness.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Gently Loved Gifts Are the Best Kind
I am just so overwhelmed with gratitude right now. My neighbor and dear friend invited me over last night to hang out. But, when I got there her house was covered in boxes.
Inside were all the gently loved clothing from her two little boys- for me! We went through each item together- she was saying goodbye to stages past and I was looking ahead to our new little son on the way. It was such a lovely evening. And, beyond all the fun and joy it brought to us both- it will be such a huge savings to our family to have everything we could possibly need in boys' clothing from newborn to 2T!
I have noticed this is something that my friends here in Seattle do extremely well. Living in community means sharing our resources! I love that within my network of friends here, there is a lot of sharing: of time, of childcare, of that divided crate of blueberries that were on sale but one family couldn't possibly get through, and of all sorts of things. Sharing in raising one another's children in this way is really like nothing I've experienced before.
My mom often tells me the story of how the women in her neighborhood growing up would pass around big bags of clothing to one another- sharing the hand me downs with one another. They did this, also, during holidays and went through one another's toys, books, and sports' gear. My mom remembers fondly dreaming about a bike one of her neighborhood friends rode, and knowing that she was next in line to get it.
I recently read this article, and I think it's good food for thought. I especially like this, "When we start treating everything around us as disposable, it’s hard to not think of money as disposable, too. And it’s this line of thinking that gets us into trouble." Though I don't buy into the idea that spending more is always better or higher quality, I do believe we live in a time and culture where we save so little and see connections as increasingly fleeting and less meaningful. Social capital has such a positive impact on our lives. Not just for the monetary resources we can offer each other, but for the very real sense of community we can have.
I want to be a part of a community like that! Will you join me in doing something today to connect with your neighbors, your neighborhood, your larger community.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always, in the comments below. And, if you haven't done so already, please follow my blog! You can also grab my button on the right by copying the text below it and copying onto your own blog page. This will let others know you read it!
Inside were all the gently loved clothing from her two little boys- for me! We went through each item together- she was saying goodbye to stages past and I was looking ahead to our new little son on the way. It was such a lovely evening. And, beyond all the fun and joy it brought to us both- it will be such a huge savings to our family to have everything we could possibly need in boys' clothing from newborn to 2T!
I have noticed this is something that my friends here in Seattle do extremely well. Living in community means sharing our resources! I love that within my network of friends here, there is a lot of sharing: of time, of childcare, of that divided crate of blueberries that were on sale but one family couldn't possibly get through, and of all sorts of things. Sharing in raising one another's children in this way is really like nothing I've experienced before.
My mom often tells me the story of how the women in her neighborhood growing up would pass around big bags of clothing to one another- sharing the hand me downs with one another. They did this, also, during holidays and went through one another's toys, books, and sports' gear. My mom remembers fondly dreaming about a bike one of her neighborhood friends rode, and knowing that she was next in line to get it.
I recently read this article, and I think it's good food for thought. I especially like this, "When we start treating everything around us as disposable, it’s hard to not think of money as disposable, too. And it’s this line of thinking that gets us into trouble." Though I don't buy into the idea that spending more is always better or higher quality, I do believe we live in a time and culture where we save so little and see connections as increasingly fleeting and less meaningful. Social capital has such a positive impact on our lives. Not just for the monetary resources we can offer each other, but for the very real sense of community we can have.
I want to be a part of a community like that! Will you join me in doing something today to connect with your neighbors, your neighborhood, your larger community.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, as always, in the comments below. And, if you haven't done so already, please follow my blog! You can also grab my button on the right by copying the text below it and copying onto your own blog page. This will let others know you read it!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Ten Ways to Start Building Community in Your Neighborhood Now
1. Talk to Your Neighbors. When you and your neighbor are heading in the door after work at the same time. Say hi. If you're feeling really adventurous, introduce yourself.
2. Spend Time in Your Front Yard. As much as possible, ditch indoor and back yard time for time out on the lawn of your own front yard. If you have to, make the space a more inviting place. If you have a porch, outfit it with new rocking chairs or set up a blanket where you can read when the weather is nice.
3. Be a Hub for Neighborhood Kids. I've talked about this many times before, but it's so important, I have to say it again. Stock your home with healthy, kid friendly snacks. Have a few extra helmets, bikes, scooters, and sports' balls on hand for when little visitors stop by.
4. Host Your Neighbors for a Meal. Invite neighbors over for take out or a simple dessert if that's all you have time for. The important this is, invite them into your home!
5. Join Local Organizations. The Rotary Club, The PTA, a bookclub at your locally owned bookstore, a church, whatever it is- get connected and involved in your neighborhood.
6. Volunteer! Become a Big Brother or Big Sister, serve food at a local shelter, or hold babies at a local hospital.
7. Know your Service Providers. Turn off your phone when you go through the check out line at the grocery store. Greet your mail provider, if you're home when they deliver your mail. Take cookies to your local police and fire station. Thank your children's teachers, principal, yard duty, and custodian.
8. Organize a Block Party. Get a city permit to block off your street, hand out flyers, and set up tables in your front yard for a get-to-know you gathering on your street.
9. Ask for and offer help. Use the trustworthy teen down the street when you need a couple hours of babysitting for your kids. Ask the tween next door to house or dog sit when you're away on vacation. Spend time getting to know him/her.
10. Do It! There's no one tip more meaningful than this. You probably have at least an idea or two what you could or should do to get to know those around you. So, get to it!
2. Spend Time in Your Front Yard. As much as possible, ditch indoor and back yard time for time out on the lawn of your own front yard. If you have to, make the space a more inviting place. If you have a porch, outfit it with new rocking chairs or set up a blanket where you can read when the weather is nice.
3. Be a Hub for Neighborhood Kids. I've talked about this many times before, but it's so important, I have to say it again. Stock your home with healthy, kid friendly snacks. Have a few extra helmets, bikes, scooters, and sports' balls on hand for when little visitors stop by.
4. Host Your Neighbors for a Meal. Invite neighbors over for take out or a simple dessert if that's all you have time for. The important this is, invite them into your home!
5. Join Local Organizations. The Rotary Club, The PTA, a bookclub at your locally owned bookstore, a church, whatever it is- get connected and involved in your neighborhood.
6. Volunteer! Become a Big Brother or Big Sister, serve food at a local shelter, or hold babies at a local hospital.
7. Know your Service Providers. Turn off your phone when you go through the check out line at the grocery store. Greet your mail provider, if you're home when they deliver your mail. Take cookies to your local police and fire station. Thank your children's teachers, principal, yard duty, and custodian.
8. Organize a Block Party. Get a city permit to block off your street, hand out flyers, and set up tables in your front yard for a get-to-know you gathering on your street.
9. Ask for and offer help. Use the trustworthy teen down the street when you need a couple hours of babysitting for your kids. Ask the tween next door to house or dog sit when you're away on vacation. Spend time getting to know him/her.
10. Do It! There's no one tip more meaningful than this. You probably have at least an idea or two what you could or should do to get to know those around you. So, get to it!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Dreams of a Free Summer
This summer I've been allowing my older girls to spend much of their summer exploring our neighborhood. They play in our backyard and front yard, within earshot and almost always visible. They are young, but I think the freedom to test their own boundaries and to explore seemingly uninhibited (though I'm close by and listening/watching) is good for their developing minds, bodies, and souls.
One of the reasons I'm so passionate about knowing my neighbors and building community is I feel that connecting to your neighbors and building a strong, relational community leads to a safer place for kids to grow up. We all see each others' families as our own responsibility. Kids learn from a myriad of different lifestyles and parenting styles- and they have a broader net of people to reach out to if they need help, need to talk, or get into any kind of trouble.
Though I don't endorse any one parenting theory (as most are gimmicky and too all or nothing for my tastes), there are a few resources I really love that address this topic.
I love this book, recommended by a friend, called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. I love the concepts of simple, free play for children. The book is based on the Waldorf theory of parenting and learning, which is highly controversial, but for me the concepts in the book which are most useful are those that address how we can simplify our homes and our lives to allow children's imaginations to grow and thrive.
I also really love this book, Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, which addresses the need for children to spend much of their time in the great outdoors, unattended by adults. This book talks about the need for children to experience adventure, their own physical boundaries, and a sense of personal mastery over their surroundings through unfettered time to explore.
And lastly, I check in every now and then with this blog, Free Range Kids, which talks a lot about parenting children in a culture that values overprotected, highly sheltered kids vs. more opportunities for kids to learn confidence, safety skills, and a sense of personal adventure/exploration. I like being pushed to think about the ways in which I let anxiety rule over reason in my own parenting.
Again, each of these resources I found to be more extreme than I am on any one given subject, but the research each presents and the critique of our current culture as it relates to raising kids and building community all fascinate me.
What about you? What are your favorite parenting resources? How does your relationship with your community and neighborhood relate to your parenting style?
One of the reasons I'm so passionate about knowing my neighbors and building community is I feel that connecting to your neighbors and building a strong, relational community leads to a safer place for kids to grow up. We all see each others' families as our own responsibility. Kids learn from a myriad of different lifestyles and parenting styles- and they have a broader net of people to reach out to if they need help, need to talk, or get into any kind of trouble.
Though I don't endorse any one parenting theory (as most are gimmicky and too all or nothing for my tastes), there are a few resources I really love that address this topic.
I love this book, recommended by a friend, called Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. I love the concepts of simple, free play for children. The book is based on the Waldorf theory of parenting and learning, which is highly controversial, but for me the concepts in the book which are most useful are those that address how we can simplify our homes and our lives to allow children's imaginations to grow and thrive.
I also really love this book, Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv, which addresses the need for children to spend much of their time in the great outdoors, unattended by adults. This book talks about the need for children to experience adventure, their own physical boundaries, and a sense of personal mastery over their surroundings through unfettered time to explore.
And lastly, I check in every now and then with this blog, Free Range Kids, which talks a lot about parenting children in a culture that values overprotected, highly sheltered kids vs. more opportunities for kids to learn confidence, safety skills, and a sense of personal adventure/exploration. I like being pushed to think about the ways in which I let anxiety rule over reason in my own parenting.
Again, each of these resources I found to be more extreme than I am on any one given subject, but the research each presents and the critique of our current culture as it relates to raising kids and building community all fascinate me.
What about you? What are your favorite parenting resources? How does your relationship with your community and neighborhood relate to your parenting style?
Monday, August 13, 2012
It Takes a Village
For the first 4 years of my life as a mom in California, my village was pretty close knit. There were our parents (the girls' grandparents), there were the girls' preschool teachers, there were a handful of carefully selected beloved babysitters, and there were the few working mothers whom I worked with who became dear friends and partners in parenting. Our village was more than some have, to be sure, but definitely not the utopia I'd dreamed of when raising my family.
I was still a kid when the Clintons popularized the old adage, "it takes a village" and encouraged communities to see themselves as integral to raising children. And, the message stuck. I believed it was possible- and part of the move to Seattle was about that ideal for me.
I wanted to live in an old neighborhood, with kids in every home along our street. I wanted to feel safe about letting our kids roam the community, playing and exploring for hours. And, to me, this concept of neighborhood was the "village." Nothing more and nothing less.
But, today, I went to hear a speaker talk about raising difficult children. And, the topic was one that hit home for me. She, a mother of 4, had raised one child (her youngest) with autism, and she spoke about how many who were close to her drifted away, uncomfortable with the challenge her child was to be around at times. She challenged us, all moms in the room, to be accepting and welcoming to each other when we face hard times as families. She broadened the definition of village, and shared that really as mothers when we see one another struggling at the grocery store or at the park we should offer to help in concrete ways and share one another's burdens.
The message hit home for me, because recently, there has been an issue at Norah's school with one of her classmates. He has hit, choked, and seriously injured children in Norah's class. And, I had previously reached out to his mom to say that I was willing to set up play dates between her child and Norah. But, he is having some significant behavioral issues and the question has really become, in what ways should I be advocating for my daughter's well being in her class and in what ways should I be advocating for his? I am a part of their village- and I need to care not just about the well being and upbringing of my daughter, but of her son's as well...
So...what do you think? What would YOU do? What is the line between caring for those in our own home and reaching out to those who are hurting beyond the four walls of our house?
Friday, July 20, 2012
Frontline Friday: An Open Invitation to Our House
One of the things that really struck me about our visit to California, was the experience of staying in other’s people’s homes. Everywhere we went, we were welcomed into the homes of friends and family with open arms. But it wasn’t just their excitement, or even their welcoming actions that made us feel at home away from home- it was also the things they had done to their actual spaces that made them feel inviting. A cushy couch, a breezy open window, an extra fluffy comforter.
For the past year, our home hasn’t quite felt like home to me. After what felt like months of organizing and decorating, I began to feel overwhelmed at the prospect of continual homemaking. The effort and expense just didn’t feel worth it to me anymore.
But after returning home from our trip I have a renewed excitement for making our space our own. I want where we live to be a place of comfort: warm and inviting to my family first and foremost- and then a place of welcome for those who pass through as well.
I’ve started the process of decorating some of spaces that I had been neglecting. Our bedroom, our bathroom, and the girls’ rooms were the worst of all. I’ll do my best to master a task I’ve found difficult until now: the BEFORE picture. I’ll share updates here.
So, what do you think? What things could you do to your personal space to make it more inviting? For instance, I’ve made it a goal to have a few extra items of equipment laying around for the neighborhood kids: helmets, bikes, scooters, and bouncy balls. That way, when kids come over to play, our space is somewhere they can lounge and linger.
I’d love to hear your ideas as well. Leave your thoughts in the comments about something you could do that’s easy and simple, but will make your space (inside or out) more inviting to those around you.
For the past year, our home hasn’t quite felt like home to me. After what felt like months of organizing and decorating, I began to feel overwhelmed at the prospect of continual homemaking. The effort and expense just didn’t feel worth it to me anymore.
But after returning home from our trip I have a renewed excitement for making our space our own. I want where we live to be a place of comfort: warm and inviting to my family first and foremost- and then a place of welcome for those who pass through as well.
I’ve started the process of decorating some of spaces that I had been neglecting. Our bedroom, our bathroom, and the girls’ rooms were the worst of all. I’ll do my best to master a task I’ve found difficult until now: the BEFORE picture. I’ll share updates here.
So, what do you think? What things could you do to your personal space to make it more inviting? For instance, I’ve made it a goal to have a few extra items of equipment laying around for the neighborhood kids: helmets, bikes, scooters, and bouncy balls. That way, when kids come over to play, our space is somewhere they can lounge and linger.
I’d love to hear your ideas as well. Leave your thoughts in the comments about something you could do that’s easy and simple, but will make your space (inside or out) more inviting to those around you.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Paradoxes
I said I'd be sharing more about my thoughts on reading The Happiness Project, and today I'm doing just that! One of the things that really stood out to me in the book, was Rubin's discussion of paradoxes.
Rubin says this, "[I] was very struck by an observation by physicist Niels Bohr: “There are trivial truths and great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.” Though I haven't made up my mind how I feel about the concept in general, I do think it relates very much to parenthood.
In, some ways being a mom is easier than you expect it to be, in that what I'm able to accomplish when it comes to a goal I set for my kids or my family is more than I ever thought possible. But, on the same hand, it is, of course, the hardest thing I have ever done. And, if there were ever truly a way to accurately express to someone the level of difficulty and hardship required in being a parent, no one would ever do it.
There is no way to explain the cost or the reward of being a mom. I find that really isolating at times, because even when talking to another mom, her costs are different and so are her rewards. There is no way to explain to someone how great their reward will be, because there is no way to know really what that reward will be. And, maybe, that's why no one ever really tells you what it's like until you've been there.
Rubin says this, "[I] was very struck by an observation by physicist Niels Bohr: “There are trivial truths and great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.” Though I haven't made up my mind how I feel about the concept in general, I do think it relates very much to parenthood.
In, some ways being a mom is easier than you expect it to be, in that what I'm able to accomplish when it comes to a goal I set for my kids or my family is more than I ever thought possible. But, on the same hand, it is, of course, the hardest thing I have ever done. And, if there were ever truly a way to accurately express to someone the level of difficulty and hardship required in being a parent, no one would ever do it.
There is no way to explain the cost or the reward of being a mom. I find that really isolating at times, because even when talking to another mom, her costs are different and so are her rewards. There is no way to explain to someone how great their reward will be, because there is no way to know really what that reward will be. And, maybe, that's why no one ever really tells you what it's like until you've been there.
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